Do you? Not until the families say it's OK!

My last full weekend in Ghana I spent in Accra with Tim and Shika. Shika had to go to a wedding on Saturday and asked me if I wanted to go. I hadn’t brought anything to wear that would be suitable for a wedding but I didn’t want to miss it, so Shika loaned me a dress. As usual, she told me it would start at 11:00, but we didn’t leave the house until about 10:30 and had to pick up her friend an hour away. We arrived shortly after 12:30 and the ceremony had just started.

Before I describe it I should probably explain about weddings – or at least my understanding. When we say “engaged” we mean the couple has agreed to marry. In Ghana, that step occurs prior to the engagement. The engagement in Ghana is actually the “traditional” wedding. One year later, they have the official wedding. I’m not sure of all the legalities, but I think the second wedding is not necessary, but is what they call the “white wedding” so I assume it is more a copy of the wedding ceremony introduced by the British. Just guessing.


So, this was a traditional wedding, which doesn’t really have any of the steps that I recognized as a wedding except for a lot of food and cake at the end. Instead, it’s like a big mock negotiation between the family of the bride and the family of the groom. First, the groom’s family brings what was probably once considered a dowry, but is not more like what I would think of as wedding gifts, including household items, clothes, food, and beverages. Then an auntie from the bride’s family and an auntie from the groom’s family get into an absolutely campy hammy mock argument about weather the gifts are sufficient for such a wonderful woman as the groom will be getting for a wife. They must plan their comments carefully, because there are many dramatic facial expressions, a lot of body language, and egging on from the respective families. The groom’s family takes a collection to sweeten the pot, and then begin demanding that the bride come out so they can see if she is all that her auntie has been bragging about.

Shika tells me that sometimes they bring out several women, pretending to be the bride – and the groom’s family rejects them all – before finally bringing out the real bride. But on this day it was just too hot and the aunties had enjoyed their acting way too much so people had already been sitting for a long time. In fact, it was so hot, I had to put my hair up!

Anyway, they brought out the bride, the families gave them advice and said prayers and sang some songs, and that was it. Then came the food, which was mostly too spicy for me, but was varied and plentiful.
XO